Lately, I have meditating on the scriptures in Joshua where God promises that He will always be with me. I have been reminding myself when I get stressed out that, "He is here, be strong, be courageous, He is with me." Sometimes it is very difficult reminder to watch my behavior and some days are like today, easy and fun and I can see Him, feel him with me.
A friend comes for a visit and we talk and play with our babies, we laugh and remember when we were young and single, all the fun we had. We look at our babies and feel really blessed and say to one another, "who would have thought?" We know how far we have come and what hell we had to go through to get to "this" point in our lives. We smile at one another, and without saying a word, we know. We know that despite the chaos of our lives, God has given us one another, and more importantly, Himself. Today, it doesn't matter if the house is clean or how much laundry is piling up, or that I have no idea what I making for dinner. In this moment of adult conversation and companionship, memories and blessings, none of "that stuff" even enters our minds and it's a much needed break from the chaos of the every day life of diapers and spit up, laundry and dishes, baths and boo boo's.
She gather's up her babies and as the door shuts, a quick snap back to the reality, "Mommy, Sam poo pooed and it's coming out of his diaper.....Oh, gross, Mommy, it's on the rug!" I grab up the baby and head to the nursery to clean him and change his diaper and clothes. I take his diaper off and, of course, he pee pees all over his face and body and me. At just that moment I hear, "Mommy, Maddie stepped in the poo poo and is walking across the house! Gross, Maddie, STOP, STOP, STOP!" "Rin, you are not the boss of me, I am going to the bathroom (which is on the other side of the house) to clean it off by myself!" I can't leave Sam alone because he is now naked, covered in pee pee and poop and on top of his changing table. So, I do what any good, loving, Christian mother would do. I scream at my children. "Rin, be quiet, Maddie stop where you are until I get there! Nobody talk, nobody move!" The house gets silent- really silent. All of a sudden I hear gagging, yes, gagging. I say, in my same "loving" voice, "Who is that!?!" Maddie meekly replies, "It's me, I have poo (gag) poo, on my (gag) hands." She promptly throws up on the floor. The story continues, but I think you see what I am trying to covey. How do you go from "I feel great today, He is here!" to "Oh my God, what just happened, He is here?!?"
In a moment our situation can change, or stress level can double, our peace can evaporate- if we let it. What I am learning, is that we, as people, have an insatiable need to "feel" things in order to "know" them. Your feelings don't matter! What matters is Truth! I am learning to constantly remind myself of who He is to me. When it gets stressful, He is my peace. When I am tired, He is my strength. When I am mad, he is my joy. When I am unsatisfied, he is my portion. So, no matter what I am going through today, or any day, He is what I need and He is ALWAYS there, an ever present help, come poop or pee!
I asked some women, whom I will refer to as "the council" from now on, how they realized what God wanted for their lives. When I received the responses back, I was amazed at the depth of what these ladies had to share. When I had the idea for this project, I had no idea that on blog one, I would find such a deep and beautiful resource in the women that God had put in my life! What a fantastic discovery.
The beautiful realization that I made from what these women said was this- God puts what He wants for us in our hearts when we are growing, so usually the thing that you "always wanted to do" is exactly what God wants for you. "Spend some time reflecting back to your childhood....what you spent time doing, how you played with friends, what made your heart happy." S.B. I find it so amazing that God set it all up so that we get to please Him and love what we do at the same time! What a great Father that is!
"Life is our divine purpose, so we walk through the doors God opens and let Him be in control." P.L. I think for me, in a lot of ways, my problem is control, or at least my perception of it. I have always had this idea in my head of HOW things would or should happen. When it hasn't worked out that way I have been down on myself, thinking I missed God somehow. I know that I have to let go of my perception of control (of which I don't really have anyway) and allow God move me. I think of it like this- have you ever tried to pick up someone who doesn't want to be picked up? It is very difficult. However, if the person submits and allows you to do so, it seems like their weight is cut in half. Cooperation is key. I must stop fighting God!
In so many ways, I find myself fulfilling dreams, in a mysterious kind of way where things happen and I realize that is what I always wanted and just didn't know it. "The biggest surprise to me about God's will for my life was that the things I want most in my life are the same things He wants for me." P.C. These bits of wisdom from the council confirmed this for me. Seek God, obey Him every day & do what brings your heart joy- THAT PLACE is where He is pleased. "...at all times in our lives, worshiping God and having a relationship with Him is really our purpose. The missions he has for us within that purpose become evident as we seek Him." R.E. Amazing!
"Obey God today, everyday, and your destiny will take care of itself." Kenneth Copeland
So, dear readers, as I search deep and remember the things that have brought joy to my life, seeking God and walking though the doors He opens, I pray that you will join me. God is faithful and He is a rewarder of those that seek him diligently. Let's look for open doors, walk though them & find Him there.Jeremiah 29:11 (Amplified Bible) "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome."
